Unrelated to JA but I feel like I ve been kicked in the stomach The day before...

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  • Vent anytime Sorry you're going thru this again :(

  • Kerry, sometimes bad things happen to good people. Our limited comprehension cannot fathom why God would allow such a tragedy involving innocent children. That fireman killed himself to quiet the screams in his head. But even more than that, I'm sure he felt an overwhelming sense of pain, guilt, and sorrow that he could not save them. I can relate to him. Sometimes I feel so helpless with Chloe's JIA that I feel like curling up under a rock and dying! Somehow I pick myself up and move on. I just have to make myself do it. Undoubtedly that day will mark the darkest, saddest hours of your life.

  • (continued) This tragedy just happened less than 4 short years ago. The loss of a loved one too soon is NEVER healed. I lost my baby brother on my 6th birthday. He was 6 months old. He died of meningococcal meningitis. I think about him every day. I cry for that loss every year on my birthday. That was over 30 years ago. I lost my grandmother because she was murdered by my great grandmother (her mother in law). I'm not going to tell you that it ever gets easier because I would be lying. You just learn how to walk through life carrying that burden and each day you get better at carrying it. Sometimes you get reminded just how heavy that burden really is. Right now, you're in an emotional valley.

  • (continued) I don't have any good advice or even any words that could comfort you. All I can do is pray for you. I pray that time will fade the memory of this pain that you're feeling. I pray that when you count your blessings that you count among them the privilege of being the aunt to these angels. Just remember: our children aren't our own; they're on loan to us from God.

  • O kerry that is heartbreaking! Sending hugs :(

  • Kerry I am so sorry! The loss of two beautiful little boys is beyond comprehension. praying for your peace.

  • Thanks everyone. I've come a long way in the healing process. I had the cramping of beginnings of pregnancy the evening of the fire and found out I was pregnant with Abby the morning of Kaidyn's funeral. My sister brought home her adopted son 2 days before the 1yr anniversary of the fire. We know the boys are watching over us. Jason (the 9 yr old) died protecting his little nephew. They were found with Jason holding Kaidyn tightly and shielding Kaidyn with his body. It's amazing how strong and brave children are. I know they're both watching over us and that Jason is doing all he can to protect all the new little ones in our family.

  • xxx. No words could possibly express my sorrow for you, your family, the emergency response teams & those precious baby boys. I'm SO sorry for your loss. Pain never gets any easier, we just learn how to deal with it. But a reminder like this can take you right back to when you first heard this tragic news. Much love being sent your way. xxx

  • I am so sorry and so happy we can be an outlet for you. It sounds like your family has experienced some beautiful blessings since that awful day, but how you miss your sweet nephews is still acute. Thanks for sharing!

  • I hope you are doing ok tonight..i was just thinking about you..and..well I am a paramedic/emt...and we see and hear thing that will forever haunt us..and so sadly we are never thought of...but for a great deal f us the horrors families go through follow us for a very long time and sadly it is too much for some of to bear..i just lost a best friend of mine friends since school..he was a fire fighter and I "the ambulance driver :)" we always had each other..always talked to each other about "bad" calls..well he committed suicide last aug. I miss him dearly...I know he had a very bad call...so bad that he couldnt even talk to me about...those in uniforms carry lots of sadness in their memory and hearts. I am so sorry for your lost..but please know this man did hat he was trained to do..we dont give up because we are so sad...it is because we have failed...hugs to your and your family.