So my community just had a series of meetings and the woman who came to...
Maikwe, I spent the first 30 years of my life out of my body, so I can completely relate. You have found one of your jewels! Embrace it! :)
Remind me later, I'll send you a link to some classes you can take over the phone....they helped me tremendously. Big hugs to you!
Maikwe Schaub Ludwig-I have mild PTSD on top of Lyme/other bugs and have been checking out, like Marsha Marcinko, for over 30 years. In my mid 20's I worked with an amazing therapist re: the PTSD. The therapist opened my eyes to my spiritual path and for about 15 years, I did really well with getting centered, grounded, being in touch with my body, emotional/mental/spiritual/physical and then I got sick. Really sick. Many aspects of my spiritual life stayed intact despite how sick I am, but it wasn't until 3 months ago when the LLND asked me to document, daily, my symptoms. Yesterday, I wrote across the page "Fuck this-I don't want to do this anymore." I packed up 3 months worth of notes and prepared to mail them to him. It was in that moment I realized I have lost touch with my physical body. I had a friend pm me yesterday morning telling me she thinks she has tonsilitis as she is not sick but has had a sore throat for days. I asked her what she was not saying to someone that she needed to say, what truth she was not speaking. She flipped! She said something HAS been weighing on her that she has been unable to say outloud to someone in her life and it's eating away at her. I told her to try speaking her truth to get rid of the sore throat before scheduling to have her tonsils removed. I was more connected energetically to what was happening in her body than my own!! Like you, my body hurts, and it betrays me, and it scares me. I don't want to feel it or examine it or feed it or give it exercise or meditate or do yoga or any of the things I did before I got sick. I want it to be separate. Then, this morning I get up and read your post-and I realize what I know for certain-energetically, if I want to be separate from my physical body, I am calling death, not healing to myself. I tore out the 2/11/12 page symptom page from my notebook, and I sat down and documented yesterdays symptoms. Today, at the top of the page, I committed myself to healing which I know means doing what I can to stay present in my body no matter what because I know that without this, healing cannot take place for me. Your post was beautiful and it just reaffirmed what I have been re-discovering over the past 24 hours, but have known since my mid 20's when I first sat down in that therapist's office. Thank you for sharing! I think you are just the most amazing human being! Hugs and love to you!
Kim, holy cow you sound like me. Probably one of the biggest lessons this disease taught me is to take care of ALL of me. It is all so
interconnected, mind, body, spirit, social, emotional, all of it. And we
are all interconnected to each other.
Learning to accept everything, good bad, and indifferent....removing the judgment that things should be any different than what they are, has
brought so much peace, compassion, and understanding to my life.
It may sound dumb....but this disease has truly been a blessing in that
aspect. I don't hurt ME or those around me anymore. I'm not
perfect.....but I am at least aware....and I know how to get back to my
center fairly effortlessly now, instead od kicking and screaming. I am so
happy we have this group. THIS is what is about. Love you all!
One other thought I mention on my site....is we all have a period of grieving our "old" life.....and that's okay and necessary.
Marsha Marcinko-I am just now doing that in the past year-it took me 10 years to get there! Lol! Yes, it is imperative to growth, healing, and moving forward.