Dear friends I rarely if ever post personal posts to our page I always read...

I know that everything works out the way it's supposed to and usually for reasons that we don't see or understand sometimes till years later. I've always believed that. Right now, it's just hard to still believe that and not hang onto the guilt and self loathing quitting work is causing for me. Please don't feel badly or sad for me because that isn't the propose or my posting. I just needed to pull the weight off my chest by talking to the only people I know of who can even begin to TRULY, TRULY understand what I'm feeling. Yes tomorrow is another day as Scarlett O'Hara would say and whatever plan God has for me next will unfold in time. That's tomorrow though...it's still today, and today sucked.

Thank You all for letting me vent and God Bless each and every one of you for what each go through every day. The others don't know but WE surely do...The struggle is REAL and sometimes, like today for me, it goes way beyond just the physical pain. Wishing each of you a pain free night.

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  • God bless you. It's really hard coming to that decision. Praying for you.

  • I can relate...... i hope all is well!!!! Going on 9yrs no remission,no help. Everyday is a struggle with these thoughts you are going thru as a reality, as im self employed so i can make money when i can. The thought one day it will return and demobile me is a fear. Stay strong my friend!

  • I truly empathasize with your rant. Like you, I've had RSD for almost 20 years. My professional life I worked so hard for was lost in an instant. The sad part is the deal I made with my husband so I could stay home and raise our children. We agreed I would raise the girls while he worked hard to make a decent living. As soon as our children were in school, I went back to college. It took 10 years and I graduated with honors, ready to start my other part of the deal...me taking a great paying job and giving my husband a break. It was time for him to take a less stressful job and let me earn more. By the time we were ready to make the switch, RSD stopped everything. I became crippled in a wheelchair and he had to work harder than ever, with many unexpected doctor bills to boot. I understand how you feel losing your job. Every initial a your signature disappears ANS so goes your sense of accomplishment.

  • Sorry for that typo...every professional initial after your signature disappears and so goes your sense of accomplishment. A part of you is unforgiving and feels like failure even though it wasn't anyone's fault. The sense of loss is overwhelming. It is no secret depression follows. Then there is the guilt... Like we've let our spouse and family down. Luckily, I had a SCS implanted and am out of the wheelchair finally, but the neurological mess this illness causes makes it impossible to handle the responsibilities of a job anymore, I understand your frustration. I also understand your anger at the injustice of this all. But it is what it is. Somehow we all must come to terms with this illness but it isn't easy and takes so much time! In the meantime everyone else goes on with their lives and every once in a while we try to catch up. Maybe my next writing will be more cheerful, but this subject is difficult And must be handled with truth. It took me four years to come to terms with RSD. I pray you are faster at healing than I. But kknow all of us here actually do understand what you are feeling and empathasize with your situation. We all stand strong with you.

  • You have just as much of an obligation to put yourself first and it's going to require focus and perseverance; the same qualities we Capricorns put into our work, we usually slack in putting into ourselves. You did what you had to do and you'll have to be stronger than ever. Puy that driving force into your health. Get through today, mourn it if you need to, but look toward tomorrow as the start of the most important work you'll ever do and do it for yourself. You don't owe anyone anything. And remember what they say, when one door closes...

  • The Serenity prayer has helped me through many difficult moments. I pray that it can do the same for you. Stay strong!

  • Kathy, I have the same guilt about letting my family down. Now my husband has to work harder to pay bills we never thought about before. Most likely won't be able to retire when we had planned for him to. I've been disabled since 2000, rsd since 2014. It's like I'm going through these same feelings all over again.

  • Thanks for the reminder.

  • I can so relate. I was the only female autobody tech at my work. Loved it I was also taking my welding classes, almost completed it... so close. I had found a new love welding. Needless to say slipped off the pulling rack , landed on right foot sideways. That was my the day that changed my life.(RSD) my workplace let me keep my tool box there for 3 years. The day I had to pick it up, I felt like that was all that RSD could take of my life. Depression, feeling useless, no worth to anyone. But, I was wrong RSD is still taking my life a piece at a time.and yes, I am a cap. I was a fierce independent women.

  • So can relate. The initials after my name disappeared and so did much of the respect I felt I got from family, friends and even strangers. It's had to be a "nobody".

  • I understand how you are feeling. I had to quit my job in February. (I'm a Capricorn too, so I get it!). The loss of a job is hard. It was a routine that you had, and routines help. There is also the loss of income aspect. I am so sorry that you had to quit your job. I am sorry for the additional stress and sadness and pain it is causing you. I have said a prayer for you and sent a mental hug. I know none of this will make anything better, but I hope it helps you find a little peace!

  • Thank you! Your so sweet it does help so much to talk to people who do understand!

  • I think we all can understand that. We are all trying to hang on to the last bit of normalcy we have....And that is, sadly, usually work.